Since the sports news is slow(read: I do not care about Wimbledon, the World Cup, or who Ozzie Gullien likes or dislikes) I offer up some fine material from some fellow bloggers/internet writers who are obviously a heck of a lot funnier and better at this deal than I am.
The first is a site called Deadspin which offers sports news/commentary/general humor. It may be one of the best sports blogs out there and they even have a whole section devoted to the horrendous Chris Berman. It is not because they like him.
Also linked from that site is a college football blog called Every Day Should Be Saturday. This blog offers us a absolutely hilarious(as well as profanity laced so consider yourself warned) list of reasons why Disney/ESPN/ABC sucks. Here is a sample:
29. Wide angle shots, fades, and pensive shots of young athletes recounting the trauma of growing up poor/fatherless/in Bosnia/stricken with acne/slightly nervous/average/motherless/ with rickets/etc in puff pieces. Adversity, dear ESPN, is boring. Show us how long it takes for Matt Leinart to pick up a girl in a bar–now that would be Sportstainmenttastic! Hey-yo!
Any gratuitous abuse of ESPN is always welcome here at Tar Heel Fan. That being said I do find some of the writers at ESPN.com extremely funny. Bill Simmons aka "The Sports Guy" is one of my favorite writers for his wit and insight into sports. During the NBA Draft he kept a running diary which is well worth reading. Perhaps the best section was describing the New York Knicks first pick:
And that brings us to our featured attraction of the evening ...
"THE KNICKS ARE ON THE CLOCK!"
ESPN wisely works the MSG crowd into a hostile frenzy by showing the obligatory "KNICKS UNDER ISIAH THOMAS" graphic. Has there ever been rioting at an NBA draft before?
9:34 -- Stephen A. on the No. 20 pick: "I'M A BORN AND RAISED NEW YORKER, OK? YOU HAVE GOT TO GET A DOG ON THIS ROSTER, I DON'T CARE WHERE YOU FIND HIM. I DON'T CARE, YOU GOT TO GET SOMEONE WHO WILL BE IN PEOPLE'S FACE, SOMEONE WHO'S HARDCORE. YOU LOOK AT ISIAH THOMAS AND HIS DRAFT HISTORY ... YOU KNOW THAT HE KNOWS TALENT ... THIS PICK HAS GOT TO WORK. IT'S GOT TO WORK!"
(Translation: The Knicks need to pick someone good.)
9:36 -- There are those moments in sports when you expect something great, and then it actually happens. And then there are those rare moments in sports when you expect something great, and something even greater happens. This was one of those moments: The Knicks on the clock, the crowd pushing for Marcus Williams, and then ...
--Stern: "With the 20th pick, the New York Knicks select ... Renaldo Balkman."
(Crowd explodes in horror.)
--Stern (over the boos): "Renaldo is not here."
--Patrick (without missing a beat): "And it's probably a good thing."
(Shot of a beaten-down Spike Lee laughing hysterically.)
9:36 -- That was fantastic
Speaking of which, how can Isiah Thomas draft a guy from two-time NIT Champions South Carolina(read: not a good team) who did not even average double figures through three years of college(read: an average player on a not so good team) especially when Marcus Williams was still on the board? Oh wait, it is Isiah Thomas, so forget I asked.