BRISTOL(THF)-Tar Heel Fan has learned that in the wake of the latest incident involving Texas Tech coach Bobby Knight, ESPN has decided to broadcast every Texas Tech regular season game using their vaunted Full Circle coverage. The coverage plans, which are still being finalized, will use every network in the ESPN family to not only capture the basketball action on the court but the controversial actions of Knight on the bench.
"We normally reserve our Full Circle coverage for truly compelling matchups such as North Carolina-Duke or Florida State-Miami" said ESPN spokesperson Joan Lemmings, "But what bigger story is there than the possibility of Bobby Knight pimp-slapping some 18 year old kid during a college basketball game?"
ESPN Full Circle coverage, which in the past has employed different camera feeds on the various networks to focus on certain aspects of the game, in this case will show feeds of the game action and Knight himself. According to the World Wide Leader, the traditional ESPN will carry a live feed of the game, with ESPN2 carrying a feed totally devoted to Bobby Knight on the sideline complete with closed captioning of what is he might be saying as translated by a lip reader. ESPNU will show a split screen with Knight and reaction shots from various Red Raider parents in the stands and ESPN360 will provide game stats as well as commentary on Knight's mental state by pyschiarist Dr. Drew Pinsky. ESPN also indicated that all games would be broadcast in high definition which will enhance any verbal or physical abuse Knight engages in during the game.
"We believe the technology we have available can change the way we look at a basketball game." Lemmings said, "Obviously the action on the court is important but anytime you have someone with the reputation of Coach Knight on the court, there is so much we might not see unless we have a camera on him for the entire game."
Lemmings says she expects many will decry this latest move by ESPN as a brazen attempt to put ratings ahead of the objectivity of presenting events to the public but went on to say that she believe ESPN has always been a cutting edge and extremely attuned to what fans want.
"We know the general public has an insatiable appetitie for controversy whether it be Terrell Owens, Barry Bonds, or in this case Bobby Knight. The potential that we might miss Knight flick a kid on the ear or spit directly down his throat is too much to ignore."
Disclaimer: This is a parody news article.