Dear Hokies,
It has been brought to our attention that due to a scheduling quirk, tonight is your first trip to the Smith Center. We hope you enjoy your stay, and wish you many years of Clemsonesque futility here. A few notes on your trip:
- This is not Kenan. You will not get tickets. You are welcome to try, but you will not find parking for you to not get your tickets. Please do not interfere with traffic patterns in your failing effort.
- This is not Cameron. You may initially think this a plus - if nothing else the thermostats all work. Nor will UNC fans storm the court after the game, because you're Virginia Tech. It's not a fun place to play - it is a big place, it is as loud as everywhere else in the ACC, and the blue-haired ladies in the front row are diehard Carolina fans who carry mace. The spiked ball-and-chain, not the pepper spray. Dive after loose balls at your own peril.
- Pursuant to ACC regulation 5.1.3 (c) as this is your inaugural visit as an ACC member, you may be allowed a victory here, an option both Florida State and Boston College have accepted in previous years. You do have an impressive resume, with a highly efficient offense and among the league's lowest turnover pace. Your defense has been slipping, but you're among the best in defending against the shot, you foul very rarely, and have few noticable weaknesses, outside of eschewing the three-point shot. Should you accept the victory option, you must submit a pre-approved "bulletin board material" with sufficient irratational and humorous qualities. See subsection (d), the "cheese and wine" clause.
- Swing by and have a cheeseburger on pita on your way out of town at Hector's. Just don't trust Google Maps, they moved last year.