Ending with Neither a Bang Nor a Whimper, But in Utter Confusion

Wondering what happened in the gripping, year-long grudge match between UNC and Duke that is the Carlyle Cup? Me neither. But the seasons have come and gone, and the results are, well, not in:

It's a tie, unless it isn't.

Let's back up a minute. Before we were all distracted by revenue sports, UNC held a 7.5 to 5.5 lead. And then:

• The Tar Heels lost the Duke Fencing Invitational. One point for the Blue Devils and it's 7.5 to 6.5.
  
• UNC came in 5th and 3rd in the men's and women's respective indoor track and field championships topping Duke's 11th and 6th place finishes. So half a point to the Heels per gender, I guess. 8.5 to 6.5.
  
• Duke got their second win over the Lady Tar Heels in basketball for a point. 8.5 to 7.5.
  
• UNC turned around and swept the Blue Devils on the men's side. We were all denied enough footage of crying Durhamites, and the tally is up to 9.5 to 7.5.
  
• The Heels lose to Duke Lacrosse 9-7. Yeah, I'm not going to try to slip a joke in here. 9.5 to 8.5.
  
• The Blue Devils win in men's tennis, 5-2, tying the Carlyle Cup race at 9.5.
  
• Duke wins the women's ACC golf championship. UNC takes fourth, and falls behind in the Carlyle, 10.5 to 9.5.
  
• UNC wins the baseball series for the year, 7-0, 3-9, 7-4. The race is again tied at 10.5.
  
• The Heels blank Duke 4-0 in women's tennis. 11.5 to 10.5.
  
• UNC takes fifth in both men's and women's outdoor track and field. (Duke? 9th and 11th. Blue Devil's can't run. Or jump. Or throw heavy objects.) Another half a point per gender? 12.5 to 10.5.
  
• Duke takes the Heels by six strokes in the men's ACC golf tournament. (Oddly enough Virginia tech wins the whole thing. Didn't really see that coming.) 12.5 to 11.5.
  
• Duke then beat UNC's women's lacrosse team, tying the standings at 12.5.
  
• The Blue Devils also best UNC in the women's ACC rowing champs, when the Heels come in dead last in the First Varsity Eight, Second Varsity Eight, and Varsity Four. (Two caveats here. I don't know what any of what I just wrote in that last sentence means, and "dead last" is sixth. Only BC, Clemson (!), Duke, Miami (!!), UNC and Virginia field women's rowing crews.)
  

By virtue of the rowing team, Duke ends the season with a 13.5 to 12.5 victory, becasue that's all the sports in play, right?

Wrong.

• UNC stuns Duke's women's Lacrosse team in the ACC's, earning back half a point. It's 13 all.
• UNC loses to Duke's men's lacrosse though, resulting in... absolutely nothing. The point total doesn't change.

Now it's over, right?

• Duke could have won back half a point, if they'd beat UNC in the ACC's women's tennis tournament. They didn't, losing to 3rd-seed Georgia Tech.
• UNC could have managed the same thing on the men's side. The Heels did everything they could, driving all the way to the finals, but Duke went out in the quarters to underdog Florida State.
• Duke had another chance against UNC in the women's tennis NCAA's, but UNC won handily. Again.

The women's tennis team is still vying for the national championship, by the way, meeting Notre Dame on the eighteenth. So now it's over, right?

There's still women's lacrosse. UNC meets Virginia, and Duke Johns Hopkins on the 19th. Should both NC schools win, this entirely cockamamie contest will be decided by women's lacrosse. Otherwise, it's a tie and UNC keeps the trophy.

Does anyone think we might want to look into a better way of running this thing? For instance, one point when one school beats the other, instead of this half-a-point trading thing going on now? It's just a thought.