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UNC Athletics Takes Over the Onion

I've been negectful in my Finest News Source reading of late - I didn't pick up last week's print issue of the Onion until tonight while I was picking up dinner. Which is why I'm probably the last to see this:

Nice to have an explanation - if only Hartz was actually on faculty. What kind of shoddy fake news is this?

Alas the Onion also has something to say about San Francisco's latest draft pick. From the list of Worst NFL Draft Picks of 2008:

Kentwan Balmer, DT, 49ers: Was considered a solid tackle going into the draft, but medical tests revealed he is actually about 70% liquid

Damn them for discovering our athlete's secret aquatic nature!