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Saturday Couch Guide: UNC Edition

Pro tips for getting the most out of the season’s first College Football Saturday. Who to watch, what to drink, and more!

North Carolina v North Carolina State Photo by Grant Halverson/Getty Images

We did it, guys. We survived another off-season, and football is BACK! Since we’re all going to be a little bit rusty when it comes to watching college football all day, I went ahead and wrote up your Saturday itinerary.

So, for everyone that’s not in Atlanta for the game, here’s how you should be spending this Saturday:

7:30 a.m. – 10:30 a.m. ET: Football! In Ireland!

Georgia Tech and Boston College start us off with an early-morning tilt, live from Ireland. I’m already excited to wake up and have college football already on TV. Now, two of the least enjoyable teams to watch in the ACC effectively serve as a snooze button… but oh baby, is there a better snooze button?

10:30 a.m. – 12:00 p.m. ET: Get Your Picks In

Betting on college football is obviously always a risky proposition, but it’s especially risky Week 1, before we have any data. Still, there’s nothing like investing a little discretionary income in the athletic performance of some 18-22 year olds. This late-morning time slot is the perfect time to do a little research, check Twitter for breaking news, and submit those picks.

With an appropriate line, some fans opt for the “emotional hedge,” and bet on Carolina’s opponent, typically in the amount that they’d be willing to pay for a win. Personally, I don’t like that strategy. In fact, I’m throwing my emotions on the table alongside my dollars, and I’m grabbing the Tar Heels at +2.5. If you can get them at +3, do it.

12:00 p.m. – 5:00 p.m. ET:

Oklahoma vs. Houston. LSU vs. Wisconsin. UCLA @ Texas A&M… So. Much. Football.

From an ACC perspective, we also get our first look at the Bronco Mendenhall and Justin Fuente eras at UVA and Virginia Tech, respectively. A lot of people expect Richmond to give UVA all they can handle, while the Hokies should make quick work of Liberty; either way, this will be a fun early look at two of UNC’s Coastal Division foes.

5:00 p.m. – 5:30 p.m. ET: Pre-Game Warmups

Like any rational fan, I believe a well-executed pregame ritual dramatically increases my team’s chances of victory. This past basketball season, I singlehandedly drank Marcus Paige out of his shooting slump by toasting a ceremonial glass of “Maker’s Marcus” before every game. (Maker’s Mark, you guys can just Venmo me for the publicity whenever, no rush)

Given the obvious success of the Maker’s Marcus, the only logical move is kick things off with a nice glass of Mitch Tru-Whiskey. Just be sure to use #MitchTruWhiskey on so we can get this thing going. We’d also accept a nice Ryan Spritzer, if you’re feeling fancy. (I’ll see myself out)

5:30 p.m. – 8:30 p.m. ET: GAME TIME

Go where you go, and do what you do. Whatever that is, just be sure to send 3 hours worth of good vibes the Heels’ way.

8:30 p.m. ET - On TBD

This night could go one of two ways: Either we’re floating on cloud nine, or we’re reeling from another disappointing high-profile game. Regardless, please enjoy your first College Football Saturday responsibly. Win or lose, football is back, and we’ve got a long season ahead of us!